A play in four acts, (with bits missing !;P)

Scene 1 – The Aversion of Communication

[A is a Girl. B is a guy. A and B are in a room. Probably a classroom.
a is sitting at a desk. B sits at right angles to A]

A: Hello.
B: I’ve reached a conclusion.
A: Oh really ? And what’s that ?
B: Nothing I do matters. I can do anything.
Da, da !
A: That’s great, so what are you going to do ?
B: Well, nothing yet but…
A: But of course, everything takes time.
B: I was going to say…can I ?
Can I just say what I was going to say ?
A: Say away.
B: What I was going to say…
Was that…When I want to do something, when I have something I want to do…I can do it.

A: Like…
B: Nothing at the moment, give me time, i’ll show you. As soon as I have a desire. I’ll take the initiative and i’ll do it.
A: Whatever ‘it’ is.
B: Exactly.

[Silence for a moment]

B: Where’s C ?
A: Em, I’m not sure…I saw him earlier. I don’t like follow him.

[A puts her head down]

A: What do you care anyway ?
B: I don’t know…
Oh he’s such an asshole. It’s like we’re holding a sign. Alfa male asshole, wanted. To dominate situation and belittle participants. I suppose that’s not a sign, a personal add then, you know.

[A looks up at B]

A: We ?
B: We’ll you know, you.
A: Me ?
B: Yeah…He likes you.
A: Shut up.

[B laughs]

A: Aren’t you going to show him ?
B: Show him ? Show him what ?
A: Your new attitude.
B: Yeah, well. It has its limits, there are limits to acceptable behavior. If I clock the guy he’ll kick my head in.
A: So you do care ?
B: Come on I was just…
A: You’re so full of shit.

[A puts her head back down]

B: Jeez relax. You’d think you care…

[A looks up]

[Scot and Bunny enter and toss themselves into seats opposite A and B.
Bunny has a strong Northern accent and is smoking]

Bunny: Anyway it was about drugs…and I pick that bastard up, with this hand here, right by the collar and I say to him.
Scott: Who Bunny ? Who did you say it to ?
Bunny: Don’t be a fucken edjit. Yer man, I said it to yer man. I said, “You wouldn’t be foolen around with those drugs now son. You know, that could get you into a lot of trouble, and we wouldn’t want that now would we ? “. And then…
Scott: Did ya kill him Bunny ? Did ya blow his fucken knees off ?
Bunny: Who’s telling this story ? Me or you ?

[There's a pause as Bunny glances over at B who's been listening]

Bunny: You alright there son ?
B: Em…Yeah…Couldn’t be better

[B picks a bottle from his pocket and takes a drink]

Bunny: Anyway…

[Bunny glances back at B]

Bunny: Ah bollocks, I’ll tell you some other time.
Scott: Come on Bunny.
Bunny: No !! I am no longer in the mood to tell that particular story. Seeing as we are no longer in the possession of privacy.

[There silence for a moment. Then A lifts her head from the desk and
raises her hand]

A: Excuse me, Mr Bunny ?

[Bunny and Scott both turn in their chairs. Bunny takes a long drag,
waits a moment then answers slowly]

Bunny: Yes ?
A: I think we’d all like to know what happened.

[B chokes on a gulp of water]

Bunny: Is that right ?

[A nods. Bunny gets out of his chair then bends down to A. Scott moves
his chair behind B]

Bunny: Are you…
Curious ?

[A nods]

B: No she’s not, You’re not are you A ? Not in the slightest. We’re not curious, we’re just tired. We’re just sitting here, tired, waiting for our friend who’s probably not coming and…

Bunny: Now would the lady have a mind of her own ? Would you darling ?
A: I don’t know… Do I have a mind of my own ?

[A looks at Bunny]

A: I think I do.
Bunny: And would you want to know what I did ?
A: Tell me.

[Bunny brings his face close to A's]

Bunny: …I shot the fuckers knee caps off.

Scene 2 – The way to behave

[A and B are standing again in a room. Colin is sitting apart from them]

A: What did you do that for ?
B: I…needed to.
A: You can’t just do that…You can’t just walk up and kiss someone you don’t know. What ? You can’t do that.
B: Well, I didn’t walk up exactly. And I do know you, sort of.
A: Why ? Why did you do that ?
B: …Its in the play.
A: Not now..not until page nine. Look it says – “Rabbit Leans over and
kisses Chloe.” It’s there in like, black and white. Do you see it
anywhere else ?

[A throws the script at B]

B: That was uncalled for, I was practicing, anyway…Didn’t you enjoy it ?
A: This is too weird. I don’t even like know you. You’re not the kind of person I should be talking to.
B: I’m not the kind of person you should be talking to ? What do you think,
just because I’m not one of you exclusive group I don’t have feelings. I
I don’t have like a right to respect ?

A: Respect..Bye, bye.

[A leaves. B puts his head in his hands and sits down]

B: Oh my god…How did I do that ? How did I do that ?
Colin: That was pretty stupid.
B: O…God. Aw my God. She’ll never talk to me again.
Colin: Er…Yeah.
B: I’m fucked, aren’t I ?
Colin: I’d say your pretty fucked…Ha, that was cool. Like shit for you,
but…cool.
B: Thanks mate.

Scene 3 – Reaching for a star

[Bart and Star are on a train]

Bart: Sorry, is this seat taken ?
Seat: No, go ahead, sit down.
Bart: Thanks.

[Bart sits and looks out the window then looks at Star strangely.
Star smile diffidently]

Bart: Sorry…I mean…Shit aren’t you that girl, in that movie…You know that movie…

Star: Yeah, I guess that’s me, you got it.
Bart: And you were in that other film, oh God, you know that 80′s generation x thing.
Star: ‘Reality Bites’.
Bart: Yeah, that’s it. Jesus this is so amazing, I’m like, your biggest fan.
Star: I could tell.
Bart: I love you, You’re so great, I mean this is so cool, me like meeting you here…This is…wow. I mean, I’m here on this train waiting for my friend and Jesus…I mean, I must sound so bad…I haven’t even introduced my self. I’m Bart.
Star: I’m Star.
Bart: Like I know, wow, shit, jeez, this is so cool. Could you like do something for me…could…do you mind…
Star: You want me to sign something ?
Bart: This so amazing, how did you know ? My God, that’s like ‘synchronicity’. Yeah just let me get…

[Bart shuffles lengthily in a bag]

Star: Em, I have to get off now so…great meeting you…
Bart: Just wait I’ll have it in a second, this like always happens…
Star: I really have to go.

[Star gets up]

Bart: No…I mean don’t…look just sign my hand… sign my hand.
Star: This is a little weird.
Bart: Sign my hand…SIGN MY HAND.
Star: O…K

[Star signs B's hand and leaves, B stares at signature then waves
manically at windows, then returns to staring at signature. Clyde enters]

Clyde: Well, Hello there missy.
Bart: Jesus…my fucking God.
Clyde: I’m sorry, hey, I didn’t mean it.
Bart: Wow…
Clyde: Look, I’m sorry…You look stricken. Don’t be so sensitive.
Bart: No…
Clyde: Ok then.
Bart: No..No..You don’t know what happened…
Clyde: It’s perfectly natural… it happens to all men.
Bart: No..Shut up…Star was just here… Like right here…Where you are sitting. Oh God… I was so embracing. She must have thought I was such an idiot. You know star, from ‘The Truth about Cats and Dogs’, with those big captivating eyes, and that, that…She was even better looking in reality.
Clyde: Uma Thurman…You met Uma Thurman…Uma Thurman was here… Where I’m sitting. My ass. Look you dufus, you met some poor woman, some poor, very good looking, woman and you embarrassed her because she looked like Uma Thurman. Think rationally, what are the chances that Uma Thurman would be here, on this train…Meeting you…It’s ridiculous.

Bart: No Clyde, not Uma Thurman…the other girl ‘star’.
Clyde: What, that fat one ?
Bart: Shut up, she is not fat, she’s gorgeous, look…She signed my hand, look. I will never wash it again. God, I was so embracing.
Clyde: You spanner, that fat girl is such a dog, you know you’re meant to like Uma Thurman, what a babe. Who cares if you met some ugly shortass. Huh…anyway, it was probably…not..her. Why do I even hang around with you. You know…your such a burden…Duh, hello, anybody home ?
Bart: I was just thinking…I didn’t even get her address. I could at least have asked her. I could have gotten to know her. But it was still cool. Wait till I tell A.
Clyde: Tell A. Ha wait till I tell A what really happened.
Bart: Cop on. You weren’t even here.
Clyde: Oh, really ?
Bart: You wouldn’t do that. Your not that much of a bastard. Seriously don’t. That’s unfair…please…
Clyde: Ha. “Oh A, oh B. We love each other. Were so happy.”
Bart: You’re so funny.
Clyde: Your so lame. Ha, Ha !I can’t believe you did that. I can’t believe you just planted one on her. That’s so funny.
Bart: I didn’t.
Clyde: No use denying it now.
Bart: No, I mean, it didn’t happen like that…Stuff happened. There were…events leading up to the kiss.
Clyde: Like what. Tell me. This sounds interesting.

The events Leading up to the kiss

B: I was standing here [A rises from a seat opposite]
C: Yeah and…
B: I was here and she was there. I smiled, I smiled over and I don’t know if she saw…but she said
A: This is real, B this is real.
B: What is ?
A: You’ve put real people in your play, you can’t do that, you’ve put real people from this school into this play were doing. That’s unfair.
B: So
A: Don’t, you know what that could cause – Don’t you even know you could hurt people – You know how many people this could…
B: Wow…hang on…Just like wait a minute. I haven’t admitted it. Look if you think there are people you know in the play…use it, be those people, if it’ll help you then go ahead.
A: What are you, Ibsen ?
B: Just try.
A: Fine

[A reads from a script]

A as A: That’s great, so what are you going to do about it ?
B as B: Well, nothing yet but…
A as A: But of course, everything takes time.

[A looks up]

A: You just don’t understand people. You don’t understand anybody. You
just analyze everything and appreciate nothing. You’re just…
B: Yes ?
A: You’re just a freak.
B: And you’re a pathetic lemming.
A: Toad.
B: Intellectual.

[They both laugh (but not obviously in unison)]

A: This is…what are we…this is so stupid.

[Pause]

B: I’m sorry.

Everybody loves a Happy Ending

Chloe: Oh, hi, are you ok ?
Rabbit: I’m…fine. It’s just…people.
Chloe: You look, you look like you need a change. Come on I know just the
place…Look

[Chloe points around her]

Rabbit: It’s nice. You’re right, it’s different.
Chloe: Good, now sit. You want a coffee…here
Chloe: Now…Your going to sit and tell me what’s wrong…well…
Rabbit: You’re such a dream.
Chloe: I’m a selfish fantasy, and you…don’t…deserve me.
Rabbit: Hmmm…Oh Today, today, today, and today, and today, and today…
Chloe: What happened today ? Don’t tell me if you…can’t.
Rabbit: When could I ever not tell a story ? It’s just…people, and things, and life and stuff. It’s…
Chloe: Your seeing things…Your still seeing…
Rabbit: You know Bart, don’t you. You know that guy who’s doing that…thing
Chloe: I know Bart.
Rabbit: He has this…This character who’s, who I think is some sort of parody…of…me…huh. He has me saying these words…adopting a character who tells…this story. It’s not the same…But…You know how I feel about…
Chloe: Yeah. I know. Shit, look Rabbit he doesn’t mean it. He’s, he’s different…He said to me…He told me – “The people real but the relationships are imaginary.” He said he had like ‘emotional dyslexia’, I’m sure if you told him…

Rabbit: Chloe, I can’t…we’re all…It’s so hard, everyday…It’s..how
Chloe: I know…hold on…hold on and drink your coffee…That’s good coffee…Hey, you’re not alone…Like totally.
Rabbit: I know
Chloe: I’m here, hey we’ll do something. We’ll go look at the penguins.
Rabbit: The zoo ?
Chloe: The convent…No, hey we’ll get the dart south, come out somewhere where the mortgages are higher than the cliffs. There’s stuff outside the city, isn’t there ?
Rabbit: You were never the sort I could run through fields with, holding hands. Ha, your more the sort to sit at the edge and comment ironically on the field.
Chloe: You’d get tired of running anyway.
Rabbit: Sometime…I never…I never thanked you for…
Chloe: It’s ok, I was just…
Rabbit: If you hadn’t…I mean…Chloe, if you hadn’t been there…
Chloe: Listen…I was just returning the favor. You helped me…remember…I’ll never forget that Rabbit.
Rabbit: Not me Chloe…not me.
Chloe: You did, you helped me, no one else.
Rabbit: How can you care so much…I mean how can you feel, I…
Chloe: Shush…hold on…its not forever.
Rabbit: It’s not forever…don’t be heavy, nothings forever.
Chloe: There’ll be a happy ending.
Rabbit: Sure…maybe.